And in an instant, all things come to an understanding. Her thoughts united with the facts that was just presented to her. Her eyes widened. The truth has come.
But did she want this?
Silence, what a loyal friend she thought. But not a great listener. All the songs in her life stopped playing. The sound from her music player played as if syncronized with the chain of events flashing by her eyes. There was no more making sense of the lyrics, her thoughts formed into words that developed into sentences that made paragraphs. This is certainly not new. But this was the only time she had a blank piece of paper.
But then again it was all so cliche.
And she decided to stop.
The world was not a better place if she were to start writing again.
And all the voices in her world came to a sudden, sullen end.
They were not to be heard of again.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Yesterday. Once more.
Heys.
Can't write here.
People know I write here.
And people thinks if they can read me, they'll know how I get by my days.
But truth is..
They have no idea.
No idea how I get by my days.
I have no idea how you get by your days.
But the difference is.. I don't have an intention to care.
Because I know your life is hard enough.
You don't need me climbing up your back,
you don't need me telling you what to do. Thats your conscience's job.
And i'm sure all of our conscience would do its best every single day, yelling at our actions.
So yes. I have faith in the better of you.
Sit back and have faith in mine.
Can't write here.
People know I write here.
And people thinks if they can read me, they'll know how I get by my days.
But truth is..
They have no idea.
No idea how I get by my days.
I have no idea how you get by your days.
But the difference is.. I don't have an intention to care.
Because I know your life is hard enough.
You don't need me climbing up your back,
you don't need me telling you what to do. Thats your conscience's job.
And i'm sure all of our conscience would do its best every single day, yelling at our actions.
So yes. I have faith in the better of you.
Sit back and have faith in mine.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Washout.
Out of Control.
That would be what I'd call myself at the moment.
All I need to do is to make one decision, which is :
I have to live.
But.
I can't.
Its not because i'm not afraid of dying.
Its because I'm afraid to live.
That would be what I'd call myself at the moment.
All I need to do is to make one decision, which is :
I have to live.
But.
I can't.
Its not because i'm not afraid of dying.
Its because I'm afraid to live.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Winds of no change.
Heyah Bloggie.
If you ever wanna catch a glimpse of how i'll look in say 10-20 years time, you should look at me today. I have no eyelids and puffy, swollen eyes today. Swarna aptly calls them the 'crying eyes'.
I just call em sad eyes or even worse, 'old woman eyes'. I look old without my eyelids. I feel reallt sleepy now, I know wasn't the lack of sleep, its because my eyes are puffy.. Somehow the puffiness of my eyes right now just got me feeling really sleepy.
Aah. Maybe I just need another bath to get them back to the normal size.
I watched a little of Pearl Harbour today, in fact, I am still watching now.
And I realised something. I watched Pearl Harbour when I was 11-13 years old because of its theme song. 'There you'll be' by Faith Hill was such hit in my life. I bought the 3 - disc vcd to watch.
I realised that this movie is a great influence in my writing. So many of those dialogues that I used in my essays today. And they're all from this movie.
I've always loved the name Evelyn and that too was from Pearl Harbour.
Its been a really windy Sunday so far, the winds are blowing hard. Its like they're angry or something. I know that doesn't makes sense.
Oh well. That was my Sunday post. (posted today, Monday)
If you ever wanna catch a glimpse of how i'll look in say 10-20 years time, you should look at me today. I have no eyelids and puffy, swollen eyes today. Swarna aptly calls them the 'crying eyes'.
I just call em sad eyes or even worse, 'old woman eyes'. I look old without my eyelids. I feel reallt sleepy now, I know wasn't the lack of sleep, its because my eyes are puffy.. Somehow the puffiness of my eyes right now just got me feeling really sleepy.
Aah. Maybe I just need another bath to get them back to the normal size.
I watched a little of Pearl Harbour today, in fact, I am still watching now.
And I realised something. I watched Pearl Harbour when I was 11-13 years old because of its theme song. 'There you'll be' by Faith Hill was such hit in my life. I bought the 3 - disc vcd to watch.
I realised that this movie is a great influence in my writing. So many of those dialogues that I used in my essays today. And they're all from this movie.
I've always loved the name Evelyn and that too was from Pearl Harbour.
Its been a really windy Sunday so far, the winds are blowing hard. Its like they're angry or something. I know that doesn't makes sense.
Oh well. That was my Sunday post. (posted today, Monday)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Are we gonna wake up?
If I could wish for one thing.
I wish I had time for everything.
The days I like the most are the days when I wake up earlier than I am supposed too.
When I have time to tie up the loose ends before I begin with a brand new day.
Not that I won't be alive on the days when I don't wake up any earlier.
I just won't be contented with my time.
Saw my stepmother. My father. My Mother and my Stepfather yesterday.
What a day.
I don't see them often.
They're all strange people.
And we're strangers.
The song that starts your day is a song you will remember for the rest of the day.
I used to have a radio waking me up in the morning.
Now I don't anymore. I wake up automatically at 5 or slightly before 5.
Either that or I won't make it to school on a weekday.
So, I don't have a random song starting my day. I actually get to pick the song that starts my day.
During my form 4 year, almost everyday throughout the year, the song that starts my life in the morning is : A Message by Coldplay.
I realised that being in the background of my own life can be very comforting.
Because I get to just watch. Not feel, and not have a choice.
Gotta run.
I wish I had time for everything.
The days I like the most are the days when I wake up earlier than I am supposed too.
When I have time to tie up the loose ends before I begin with a brand new day.
Not that I won't be alive on the days when I don't wake up any earlier.
I just won't be contented with my time.
Saw my stepmother. My father. My Mother and my Stepfather yesterday.
What a day.
I don't see them often.
They're all strange people.
And we're strangers.
The song that starts your day is a song you will remember for the rest of the day.
I used to have a radio waking me up in the morning.
Now I don't anymore. I wake up automatically at 5 or slightly before 5.
Either that or I won't make it to school on a weekday.
So, I don't have a random song starting my day. I actually get to pick the song that starts my day.
During my form 4 year, almost everyday throughout the year, the song that starts my life in the morning is : A Message by Coldplay.
I realised that being in the background of my own life can be very comforting.
Because I get to just watch. Not feel, and not have a choice.
Gotta run.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Who was I kidding?
Hey Bloggie.
No matter what I did, I was never certain of the things I do.
But there was one thing I was firmly certain about.
I thought that going back for Form 6 was the right path for me.
Even with my mother's daily death threats to enrol in a private college instead.
My mom in law's plea for me to go back to work in Dell instead.
Dell was offering me jobs that are better than the ones graduates are having.
Tar College sending me an offer letter for the Public Relations course.
I nearly attended Disted for Business Studies.
I still went back to form 6.
And during our first semester break, when this letter arrived:
Dear Applicant,
We refer to your application for the position of Cabin Crew.
We would be pleased if you could present yourself for interviews at 9.40am
on 3 June 2008 (Tuesday).
You should report at the CLC Lobby, Level 1, SIA Training Centre, 720 Upper
Changi Road East, Singapore 486852.
You are required to bring the following documents:
· The print-out of your completed application form
· Passport-sized photograph
· Originals of:
a) your birth certificate
b) all educational certificates
c) Certificate of National Service (if applicable)
d) re-entry permit card (for Singapore PR)
e) testimonials
f) identity card
We look forward to meeting you.
I still stayed on for form 6.
I thought it was the right path for me.
Then it betrayed me.
I'm sure most of us have come to know how a betrayal feels like.
No matter what I did, I was never certain of the things I do.
But there was one thing I was firmly certain about.
I thought that going back for Form 6 was the right path for me.
Even with my mother's daily death threats to enrol in a private college instead.
My mom in law's plea for me to go back to work in Dell instead.
Dell was offering me jobs that are better than the ones graduates are having.
Tar College sending me an offer letter for the Public Relations course.
I nearly attended Disted for Business Studies.
I still went back to form 6.
And during our first semester break, when this letter arrived:
Dear Applicant,
We refer to your application for the position of Cabin Crew.
We would be pleased if you could present yourself for interviews at 9.40am
on 3 June 2008 (Tuesday).
You should report at the CLC Lobby, Level 1, SIA Training Centre, 720 Upper
Changi Road East, Singapore 486852.
You are required to bring the following documents:
· The print-out of your completed application form
· Passport-sized photograph
· Originals of:
a) your birth certificate
b) all educational certificates
c) Certificate of National Service (if applicable)
d) re-entry permit card (for Singapore PR)
e) testimonials
f) identity card
We look forward to meeting you.
I still stayed on for form 6.
I thought it was the right path for me.
Then it betrayed me.
I'm sure most of us have come to know how a betrayal feels like.
Long Distance.
At 12.42am I went to sleep thinking that I wouldn't be able to wake up the next morning.
I woke up at 5.30am.
It was still early enough for me.
But still, it was for the wrong reasons.
I woke up because I had a stomach ache.
And I used to be the girl who had a ton of gastric problems and get stomach aches only as often as she eats.
Then it all stopped after I stop working in Dell.
For some reason, the stomach pains never left Dell with me.
So, I had a new life.
I was yet again inconsistent with my meals.
Fully utilising my newfound freedom in not eating.
Why?
I do not know why but it would seem like I have lost my enormous appettite for food lately.
Don't even know when exactly.
But my cravings just stop.
And even if I do start craving I stop before I could get to it.
So today I woke up with a stomach ache, so familliar and so alarming.
Because it was the same one as the old recurring ones not too long ago.
My freedom to eat and not to eat is over.
Right now, I am healing with music.
Its funny how whenever I am in physical pain I think of Keane.
Its A Bad Dream by Keane this time.
" I wake up, its a bad dream, no one on my side. I was fighting, but I just feel too tired, to be fighting, guess i'm not the fighting type. Wouldn't mind it if you were by my side. But you're long gone, yeah you're long gone now, yeah. "
Its not the lyrics. Its about the way he sang it.
Anyway. In an early part of my dream last night which I woke up briefly from, I was in the desert, and there were these red indians like people, we were at war and I was with them, then all of the sudden, without any warning, they started shooting nails and pins / sharp objects out from their mouths against an unseen enemy, at least unseen by me.
I was standing amongst them. And I didn't know whether to shoot or not. I was muttering something but I think the dream was in mute.
Wild imagination.
I think we can interpret it as a helpless situation. Maybe I've been feeling helpless.
I feel disturbed on the days when I do remember my dreams.
I am also wondering whether a person can really start anew.
Or will it be the same way.. all the time?
Shakespeare said " This too shall pass."
What if you don't want it to pass?
.. You want it to be more?
I am failing miserably to see the bigger picture now.
And every step I take seems to take me further from the sight of it too.
I don't even feel like going to school today.
Emotions can do a whole lot of damage and worse of all, sometimes its not really worth it.
And you know you will beat yourself up for it later, but you just can't get over it.
My all-time favourite song by Keane is :
Bedshaped
"In white lights, I don't think so but what do I know? What do I know? I know. "
Please listen to it. Anyone who reads this blog.
The death of silence in the morning is so sad.
Good morning and good bye.
I woke up at 5.30am.
It was still early enough for me.
But still, it was for the wrong reasons.
I woke up because I had a stomach ache.
And I used to be the girl who had a ton of gastric problems and get stomach aches only as often as she eats.
Then it all stopped after I stop working in Dell.
For some reason, the stomach pains never left Dell with me.
So, I had a new life.
I was yet again inconsistent with my meals.
Fully utilising my newfound freedom in not eating.
Why?
I do not know why but it would seem like I have lost my enormous appettite for food lately.
Don't even know when exactly.
But my cravings just stop.
And even if I do start craving I stop before I could get to it.
So today I woke up with a stomach ache, so familliar and so alarming.
Because it was the same one as the old recurring ones not too long ago.
My freedom to eat and not to eat is over.
Right now, I am healing with music.
Its funny how whenever I am in physical pain I think of Keane.
Its A Bad Dream by Keane this time.
" I wake up, its a bad dream, no one on my side. I was fighting, but I just feel too tired, to be fighting, guess i'm not the fighting type. Wouldn't mind it if you were by my side. But you're long gone, yeah you're long gone now, yeah. "
Its not the lyrics. Its about the way he sang it.
Anyway. In an early part of my dream last night which I woke up briefly from, I was in the desert, and there were these red indians like people, we were at war and I was with them, then all of the sudden, without any warning, they started shooting nails and pins / sharp objects out from their mouths against an unseen enemy, at least unseen by me.
I was standing amongst them. And I didn't know whether to shoot or not. I was muttering something but I think the dream was in mute.
Wild imagination.
I think we can interpret it as a helpless situation. Maybe I've been feeling helpless.
I feel disturbed on the days when I do remember my dreams.
I am also wondering whether a person can really start anew.
Or will it be the same way.. all the time?
Shakespeare said " This too shall pass."
What if you don't want it to pass?
.. You want it to be more?
I am failing miserably to see the bigger picture now.
And every step I take seems to take me further from the sight of it too.
I don't even feel like going to school today.
Emotions can do a whole lot of damage and worse of all, sometimes its not really worth it.
And you know you will beat yourself up for it later, but you just can't get over it.
My all-time favourite song by Keane is :
Bedshaped
"In white lights, I don't think so but what do I know? What do I know? I know. "
Please listen to it. Anyone who reads this blog.
The death of silence in the morning is so sad.
Good morning and good bye.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Rainy Sunday.
It was a Sunday Morning to remember.
It was around 7.30 when I woke up today.
Mornings can be so productive. Particularly when the first thing I did is of course:
Pick up Hamlet.
Literature is my energy.
Music is my life.
Art is my form of expression.
Heh. I bet many people can say that about themselves.
Then it started raining. And its not the drizzling kind...
There is already a certain calm about mornings.. and the rain. It gave the morning calm a little something. Something more. And I like it.
Altogether, it had been peaceful and calm.
Even now.
Something major happened today.
I am suddenly not attached anymore.
As some of us people here know. I am married. Legally.
By name, by status.
In every aspect.
Right now I am not married in every aspect anymore.
Why?
I saw it coming. And then.
It just happened.
The space steadily builds up. And suddenly you're so far apart you don't even know why you're still there.
Everything needs to be rearranged.
At the same time. Alot needs to stay the same because we're gonna be staying under the same roof.
I really don't know how it works.
Just know that it has a 90 percent chance of working out.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry but the songs that were playing when I was speaking out my feelings to Eric were in these in sequence:
Eva by Nightwish
Meadows Of Heaven by Nightwish
Stand By Me by Oasis
Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis ( was doing the opposite by then )
Little By Little by Oasis
She Is Love by Oasis
Songbird by Oasis
Morning Glory by Oasis
Don't look back in Anger by Oasis
And the aftermath was ..
Champagne Supernova by Oasis
"Someday you will find me, caught beneath a landslide, in a champagne supernova in the sky."
By the time its over.
I opened YouTube and looked up Linkin Park and started playing their old songs.
Maybe its my way of tracing back my roots.. or maybe its just.. to show myself how far I've come from that little girl who used to play numb over and over again when shes upset.
The maturity of musical sense.
Ahh.
Do we really have to read so deep into a simple act?
Anyway, gotta go and get ready for work and have some food.
Chao.
It was around 7.30 when I woke up today.
Mornings can be so productive. Particularly when the first thing I did is of course:
Pick up Hamlet.
Literature is my energy.
Music is my life.
Art is my form of expression.
Heh. I bet many people can say that about themselves.
Then it started raining. And its not the drizzling kind...
There is already a certain calm about mornings.. and the rain. It gave the morning calm a little something. Something more. And I like it.
Altogether, it had been peaceful and calm.
Even now.
Something major happened today.
I am suddenly not attached anymore.
As some of us people here know. I am married. Legally.
By name, by status.
In every aspect.
Right now I am not married in every aspect anymore.
Why?
I saw it coming. And then.
It just happened.
The space steadily builds up. And suddenly you're so far apart you don't even know why you're still there.
Everything needs to be rearranged.
At the same time. Alot needs to stay the same because we're gonna be staying under the same roof.
I really don't know how it works.
Just know that it has a 90 percent chance of working out.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry but the songs that were playing when I was speaking out my feelings to Eric were in these in sequence:
Eva by Nightwish
Meadows Of Heaven by Nightwish
Stand By Me by Oasis
Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis ( was doing the opposite by then )
Little By Little by Oasis
She Is Love by Oasis
Songbird by Oasis
Morning Glory by Oasis
Don't look back in Anger by Oasis
And the aftermath was ..
Champagne Supernova by Oasis
"Someday you will find me, caught beneath a landslide, in a champagne supernova in the sky."
By the time its over.
I opened YouTube and looked up Linkin Park and started playing their old songs.
Maybe its my way of tracing back my roots.. or maybe its just.. to show myself how far I've come from that little girl who used to play numb over and over again when shes upset.
The maturity of musical sense.
Ahh.
Do we really have to read so deep into a simple act?
Anyway, gotta go and get ready for work and have some food.
Chao.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Freeze.
I flicked open my eyes at 1.47am.
I had a "Aw, you gotta be kidding me" expression flashing in my head.
'cept that i'm particularly drained by the pain in the throat and the runny nose.
Well. Now we know why I woke up a little too early than the time i'm supposed to.
The air cond is too cold. The snores are getting too loud.
And next comes the minutes of futile attempts at falling back to sleep.
I walked out of the bedroom in the end. Defeated, in much pain and .. sneezing.
Being sick makes you feel better about the life you had before. True.
What's a girl got to do at 2.15am anyway?
I sat with Hamlet for a while. The book was closed. But it was comforting, to have sat beside it, somehow.
Then I thought of class yesterday. Then I remembered, we were to bring a dictionary to lit class.
Being a spoiled rich brat I used to be. I have a lot of English and Malay dictionaries. I have 2 Oxford dictionaries. 2 Oxford Thesauruses. 2 Longman Dictionaries. 1 Roget's Thesaurus.
And I haven't mentioned the smaller ones yet.
They're all mine. What a twisted life I've had.
And the one I've decided to bring is the Exam's dictionary from Longman.
Why of all books? I kept asking myself.
Because. Thats the only one thats missing.
Is it human nature to want what they cannot see? What they have lost?
So I opened the store room's door. Which I normally won't, because I'm afraid of the evil within.
*sweats*
Sweating was good. There was no fan on or anything when I went out of the room. I was trying hard to sweat, I think that'd help me recover.
So. I went into the so called 'evil room' at around 2.40am and started looking for my poor and not more than 8-month old darling dictionary. If I remembered correctly.. That one costed me rm200+ - 300.
After 15 minutes. I decided it wasn't in there.
The piles of piles of junk doesn't help much.
Woman instincts soon kicked in, and when it did, for some odd reason or two, I went back to my old bedroom and found my still-looking-like-it-was-brand-new dictionary hidden in the Times bookstore shopping bag. Joy.
I found it. And also realised its weight. Do I really want to be carrying that dictionary 4 days a week to school?
I could.
I would love to.
But. I already look like a tortoise.
My bag is .. Big.
Like a shell lah. It looks like I can go in and stay.
I wish.
Hah.
Well, we'll see about the dictionary. = )
I am sick now. Like. Sick.
And I have 101 reasons to go to school today.
But just 1 reason not to.
Heh.
Tree Hill says.. "Sometimes all you need is One."
Lets see if I am going to apply that today.
Probably not. Its 4.21am now.
Oh yeah. In my search for the Dictionary. I found Belgian Chocolates along with the stuff my stepma bought me from Macau just 2 weeks ago.
Alas. I do not have a fridge. And the chocolates have been fridged before.
So they're already melted now.
Maybe I should bring them to work. Its cool there.
But I am already coughing slightly now.
Its really weird when I look at the clock and freak out a little as time approaches 5am.
.. Because 5am used to be early for me.
Now, its late. And on better days, its just nice.
Its like the 6.30am when you have school at 7am now.
On the another note. Its been 2 weeks and more since I've been to Queensbay.
..Queensbay has pretty pretty clothes.
Which I do not usually buy. Mind ya.
I've lost my tastebuds to my cold.
And an hour ago, when I made myself a cup of peppermint tea which had always made me feel better.. I couldn't smell it. And that was so sad.
Because I can't feel better if I can't even smell it right?
Its 4.33am now and this is just so random.
I'm playing all Oasis' singles this morning.
They have the right songs for my mood right now.
How am I gonna participate in Literary discussion today?I won't know yet.
My throat itches, it feels hollow and is entirely inflamed.
It hurts when I open my mouth just abit wider. And when my tongue moves, it hurts too.
My gums are swollen, the walls of my mouth are swollen to.
The condition of my nose?
The skin has gotten raw from all the rubbing and the abrupt ah-chooing. (which hurts the throat alot as well)
The mucus colony just doesnt wanna leave in bulk anymore now.
I don't think its a good idea for me to go to school.
But I am against the idea of not going as well.
I had a "Aw, you gotta be kidding me" expression flashing in my head.
'cept that i'm particularly drained by the pain in the throat and the runny nose.
Well. Now we know why I woke up a little too early than the time i'm supposed to.
The air cond is too cold. The snores are getting too loud.
And next comes the minutes of futile attempts at falling back to sleep.
I walked out of the bedroom in the end. Defeated, in much pain and .. sneezing.
Being sick makes you feel better about the life you had before. True.
What's a girl got to do at 2.15am anyway?
I sat with Hamlet for a while. The book was closed. But it was comforting, to have sat beside it, somehow.
Then I thought of class yesterday. Then I remembered, we were to bring a dictionary to lit class.
Being a spoiled rich brat I used to be. I have a lot of English and Malay dictionaries. I have 2 Oxford dictionaries. 2 Oxford Thesauruses. 2 Longman Dictionaries. 1 Roget's Thesaurus.
And I haven't mentioned the smaller ones yet.
They're all mine. What a twisted life I've had.
And the one I've decided to bring is the Exam's dictionary from Longman.
Why of all books? I kept asking myself.
Because. Thats the only one thats missing.
Is it human nature to want what they cannot see? What they have lost?
So I opened the store room's door. Which I normally won't, because I'm afraid of the evil within.
*sweats*
Sweating was good. There was no fan on or anything when I went out of the room. I was trying hard to sweat, I think that'd help me recover.
So. I went into the so called 'evil room' at around 2.40am and started looking for my poor and not more than 8-month old darling dictionary. If I remembered correctly.. That one costed me rm200+ - 300.
After 15 minutes. I decided it wasn't in there.
The piles of piles of junk doesn't help much.
Woman instincts soon kicked in, and when it did, for some odd reason or two, I went back to my old bedroom and found my still-looking-like-it-was-brand-new dictionary hidden in the Times bookstore shopping bag. Joy.
I found it. And also realised its weight. Do I really want to be carrying that dictionary 4 days a week to school?
I could.
I would love to.
But. I already look like a tortoise.
My bag is .. Big.
Like a shell lah. It looks like I can go in and stay.
I wish.
Hah.
Well, we'll see about the dictionary. = )
I am sick now. Like. Sick.
And I have 101 reasons to go to school today.
But just 1 reason not to.
Heh.
Tree Hill says.. "Sometimes all you need is One."
Lets see if I am going to apply that today.
Probably not. Its 4.21am now.
Oh yeah. In my search for the Dictionary. I found Belgian Chocolates along with the stuff my stepma bought me from Macau just 2 weeks ago.
Alas. I do not have a fridge. And the chocolates have been fridged before.
So they're already melted now.
Maybe I should bring them to work. Its cool there.
But I am already coughing slightly now.
Its really weird when I look at the clock and freak out a little as time approaches 5am.
.. Because 5am used to be early for me.
Now, its late. And on better days, its just nice.
Its like the 6.30am when you have school at 7am now.
On the another note. Its been 2 weeks and more since I've been to Queensbay.
..Queensbay has pretty pretty clothes.
Which I do not usually buy. Mind ya.
I've lost my tastebuds to my cold.
And an hour ago, when I made myself a cup of peppermint tea which had always made me feel better.. I couldn't smell it. And that was so sad.
Because I can't feel better if I can't even smell it right?
Its 4.33am now and this is just so random.
I'm playing all Oasis' singles this morning.
They have the right songs for my mood right now.
How am I gonna participate in Literary discussion today?I won't know yet.
My throat itches, it feels hollow and is entirely inflamed.
It hurts when I open my mouth just abit wider. And when my tongue moves, it hurts too.
My gums are swollen, the walls of my mouth are swollen to.
The condition of my nose?
The skin has gotten raw from all the rubbing and the abrupt ah-chooing. (which hurts the throat alot as well)
The mucus colony just doesnt wanna leave in bulk anymore now.
I don't think its a good idea for me to go to school.
But I am against the idea of not going as well.
Friday, April 25, 2008
A Superday.
One of the best days at work is when we don't have much calls coming in.
Yes, that. But its not this > When we don't have a phone to answer calls.
After all, what is work without the main tool?
Thats what happened to me today. My half day shift starts at 12pm today. And I,being a consistent 'Late Queen' came in 10 mins late.
To a very odd surprise, my was 'downloading' phone yesterday, was still downloading. At its 6000000th Second (as in time)
F*.
Oh yes, I moved places yesterday. Yeah for my final 4 days in Dell I had to move places. That was quite an interesting bit, but thats still another story.
So I was at my newly moved place. With the newly moved phone.
6000000 seconds ago.
Then it didn't want to let me login.
See. Login in my work place IS THE PUNCH CARD.
How the heck am I suppose to prove that I was already at work when I couldn't login.
F*'ing phone.
No matter what I clicked. Its never going to let me login. Or even take calls, or see calls. Or anything. It just says DCHP downloading or a thousand of other things. Just no login or auto in. There not even the usual columns on it.
One of the 'happier' things in life is when you are already there to do something that you know you're supposed to do, and you can't. You just have to watch others do it.
So I went to pick up one call at my colleague's cos she was out.
Walked around like a lost child. Visited cubes.
Seen my old cube in a new light. - It was Clean!
Oh, of course, i've never seen my workplace, the cubes and all from a passer by's perspective.But I don't appreciate it. I didn't like being so FREE at work. Not one bit.
I finally sat down in my less than friendly new cube and started looking at colleges.
Yes, of all things. But hey, the things we do when we're bored.
And oh speaking of Colleges, Tar hasn't sent me the much anticipated letter.
And my application status is forever 'under consideration' online.
Hoho. Looks like someones going nowhere.
Actually, i'm looking more towards part time college programmes,
seeing as if I don't work its pretty impossible to survive.
Taylor's had that on their advertisement, but I couldn't find it on their website.
Stamford have that too, on a certain programmes only.
The IT guy came at around 2.35pm
Wheessh. How early!
We lodged to service calls more than 2 hours ago!
I got my phone back by 3pm.
I didn't get to hear of what happened to it, how it happened or how to fix it next time it happens.
I guess IT don't teach you these things but they're always complaining of the amount of calls they get in a day to request for help around the APCC.
Its a nono. Yes. But I am leaving, I better start digesting the fact and stuff my face + mouth.
Just stop caring. The main problem here right now is that. I need money. But I don't have time for a high paying job if I am studying. So what do I do?
I supress myself into a hyperthought self.
Which is very NOT appealing to alot of people including myself.
Everyone worries about money right?
9 minutes to 5.
I am going to be working till 6 today.
Goody.. Another hour to go.
Hang on.....
.... ..... ......
.... That just means that I have another hour to mope around here wearing my indifferent face.
Truth to be told, I wouldn't mind if they switched me to the back row, or even the second row. (Since I've been sitting on the front row)
But to no avail, they happily put me here. On the front row again. Facing all the passerbys.
One of my favourite things to do is to watch them and have them watch me back.
*Shrugs*
Thinking about dinner tonight.
No more Fish & co. for me for a long time. Had a bad experience last night.
Wonder why.
I've always liked fish and co.
Always liked Coriander.
But last night. It was one of the most salty things i've eaten, not to mention oiliest.
And if you know me, you'd know that I hate salty food, which is why I hate the Jap set meals and Jap soup (not the miso one)
I'd love that bit of salt in my food but not when the hold thing tastes like its been dipped or immersed in salt for a long period of time before.
Speaking of which. I want a Tamagotchi.
Huhu. Been wanting that, since a long. Long. Long time ago.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Of the things I have not blogged about.
Today with me.
I am at work at the moment. And because I sorta ran out of blogs to read, I decided to write on my own blog today. Oh Great. Now what do I blog about?
My days at work here in Dell are coming to an end soon. My last day being the 30th of April.
Sadly, Ive taken more than 12 days of MCs here and at least 5 days of annual leave now.
I am about to be blacklisted. I am not exactly sure about that yet, but I probably would?
Hehe. I've always heard, and read of all those talk about people being a professional slacker. I personally think that the title would suit me best.
Maybe the truth is that everyone has a built in slacking system in them.
We are slackers waiting to happen?
Despite my loyal blog readership. I haven't gotten any better at blogging. To think of the amount of blogs I used to have. Tabulas. Friendster. Wordpress. MSN space.
Since I'm already here, lets talk about my work and workplace.
So lets start from the beginning.
Even before I kissed SPM goodbye for good.(I believe it was roughly around the time before the Bio paper) I was already a member at Jobstreet.com
Obviously, what else would I be looking for? A job lah.
For all post spm-ers alike McD did seem like a very valid, and available choice, but for that I'll need to attend walk-in-interviews and since spm is just not over yet, (not for me anyway, thanks to Seni and Bible Knowledge) I couldn't go for those interviews just yet.
Oh yeah, there were also alot of temporary jobs at the mall. Retails mostly. Clothing, shoes, eye care. Well you name it.
That didn't entice me as well.
Overall, online through Jobstreet, I applied for: -
1. Teaching assistant at Kumon - I got shortlisted for the job but I really didn't want it.
2. Book/Music Sellers in Borders - I really wanted the job. But I had no response.
and then directly, I applied for:-
1. Shop assistant at Switch - got a reply but they told me they'd call only when they need more staff.
2. Kindergarten Teacher in MRC Junior - Got the job. Lasted only a week. (Hoho =)
Earned rm150++ spent it all in a meal at Chillis. = P
After that I got a call from Jobstreet when I was at the Starbucks in Borders. - for a banking opportunity.
But apparently, after finding out that I haven't gotten my SPM cert just yet, I only have my trial results, I wouldn't be able to qualify for a job at OCBC - min requirement SPM cert.
But after speaking to me over the phone. The manager over at Jobstreet felt like I was good enough for a job at Dell.
So she said "I will have my staff to call you about Dell"
The following day, when I was at Starbucks at Egate. I got a call from Dell.
Woohoo. My training would commence on Monday. It all happened so fast, I had only just quited my job in the kindy.
Went to sign for a 1 month contract with Dell in Jobstreet.
Only then did I know about contract workers and how it works.
Gee. Its been such a long post. Not such a bright practice when it comes to blogging.
Why? Because people will get tired of reading. Neways. Toodles.
I will post my days there, in another post.
Post Signature : If you wanted to know why I was always in Starbucks during the near end of the year last year, it was because I didn't have internet at home yet. And because of I was drinking at Starbucks like theres no tomorrow because I wanted to have this :
Will post up the picture here soon.
I am at work at the moment. And because I sorta ran out of blogs to read, I decided to write on my own blog today. Oh Great. Now what do I blog about?
My days at work here in Dell are coming to an end soon. My last day being the 30th of April.
Sadly, Ive taken more than 12 days of MCs here and at least 5 days of annual leave now.
I am about to be blacklisted. I am not exactly sure about that yet, but I probably would?
Hehe. I've always heard, and read of all those talk about people being a professional slacker. I personally think that the title would suit me best.
Maybe the truth is that everyone has a built in slacking system in them.
We are slackers waiting to happen?
Despite my loyal blog readership. I haven't gotten any better at blogging. To think of the amount of blogs I used to have. Tabulas. Friendster. Wordpress. MSN space.
Since I'm already here, lets talk about my work and workplace.
So lets start from the beginning.
Even before I kissed SPM goodbye for good.(I believe it was roughly around the time before the Bio paper) I was already a member at Jobstreet.com
Obviously, what else would I be looking for? A job lah.
For all post spm-ers alike McD did seem like a very valid, and available choice, but for that I'll need to attend walk-in-interviews and since spm is just not over yet, (not for me anyway, thanks to Seni and Bible Knowledge) I couldn't go for those interviews just yet.
Oh yeah, there were also alot of temporary jobs at the mall. Retails mostly. Clothing, shoes, eye care. Well you name it.
That didn't entice me as well.
Overall, online through Jobstreet, I applied for: -
1. Teaching assistant at Kumon - I got shortlisted for the job but I really didn't want it.
2. Book/Music Sellers in Borders - I really wanted the job. But I had no response.
and then directly, I applied for:-
1. Shop assistant at Switch - got a reply but they told me they'd call only when they need more staff.
2. Kindergarten Teacher in MRC Junior - Got the job. Lasted only a week. (Hoho =)
Earned rm150++ spent it all in a meal at Chillis. = P
After that I got a call from Jobstreet when I was at the Starbucks in Borders. - for a banking opportunity.
But apparently, after finding out that I haven't gotten my SPM cert just yet, I only have my trial results, I wouldn't be able to qualify for a job at OCBC - min requirement SPM cert.
But after speaking to me over the phone. The manager over at Jobstreet felt like I was good enough for a job at Dell.
So she said "I will have my staff to call you about Dell"
The following day, when I was at Starbucks at Egate. I got a call from Dell.
Woohoo. My training would commence on Monday. It all happened so fast, I had only just quited my job in the kindy.
Went to sign for a 1 month contract with Dell in Jobstreet.
Only then did I know about contract workers and how it works.
Gee. Its been such a long post. Not such a bright practice when it comes to blogging.
Why? Because people will get tired of reading. Neways. Toodles.
I will post my days there, in another post.
Post Signature : If you wanted to know why I was always in Starbucks during the near end of the year last year, it was because I didn't have internet at home yet. And because of I was drinking at Starbucks like theres no tomorrow because I wanted to have this :
Will post up the picture here soon.
Monday, April 14, 2008
A glimpse into a different world.
Greed is a very powerful and dangerous thing.
The two of them are always coming up as a team of adjectives together aren't they?
Whatever thats powerful is also dangerous and vice versa.
Today like any other day. I experienced the rise of greed so deep in myself.
I desire for something so much more than myself.
I desire for more and more, and more.
I want to be able to take care of everything, take care of myself. Go to places I've never been to and come home safe.
This desire is so strange, and yet not foreign. Its just too much.
Its something I reject so badly and yet want so much.
How can it be, always the two extremes? I keep asking myself.
Wasn't it simplicity that I desire all along, or would it all be engulfed in the flames of my ambitions?
Didn't this used to be the tiny light that gets me through the hardest of hours.
Gives me hope and warmth when all else fails.
But at that precise moment, it was the fire that burns away the curtains of comfort, they were once there to shade me from the (de)lights of the world of greed.(grandour)
Coming back to the senses in the end of the glimpse at the 'life that could've been'
I knew that, a mark has been set, the picture of that other world is forever etched in my mind.
The two of them are always coming up as a team of adjectives together aren't they?
Whatever thats powerful is also dangerous and vice versa.
Today like any other day. I experienced the rise of greed so deep in myself.
I desire for something so much more than myself.
I desire for more and more, and more.
I want to be able to take care of everything, take care of myself. Go to places I've never been to and come home safe.
This desire is so strange, and yet not foreign. Its just too much.
Its something I reject so badly and yet want so much.
How can it be, always the two extremes? I keep asking myself.
Wasn't it simplicity that I desire all along, or would it all be engulfed in the flames of my ambitions?
Didn't this used to be the tiny light that gets me through the hardest of hours.
Gives me hope and warmth when all else fails.
But at that precise moment, it was the fire that burns away the curtains of comfort, they were once there to shade me from the (de)lights of the world of greed.(grandour)
Coming back to the senses in the end of the glimpse at the 'life that could've been'
I knew that, a mark has been set, the picture of that other world is forever etched in my mind.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
